No matter how much I try not to, I always find myself studying human behavioral patterns. A friend says it is because of the psychologist in me, but I differ. Truth be told, I am that cruel bastard who loves experimenting with human specimens. So with that said, I will reveal findings from my latest experiments. Feel free to label this as ethically wrong.
I joined social media close to a decade ago. Back then it wasn’t as hyped. Just a few “cool kids” with phones that had internet access and a lot of time on their hands. Those are the days Facebook had “Wall” instead of “Timeline”, and wall-to-wall was the coolest way to chat on Facebook. Instant messaging services such as Qeep, 2go among many more played the role of WhatsApp. Wait! I am not here to provide insight on the evolution of social media. Back to the point.
Day in day out, there is the cycle of behavioral alteration among individuals on social media. And the most common are:
Rapid changing of profile pictures
Females are most notorious for this.
You will note that at a point in time they will decide to change their profile pictures every 5 minutes.
I do not stand to be corrected because I am sure of this. This is, more often than not, caused by:
Trying to impress someone.
Trying to impress someone.
Tell me. How many times do you change your profile picture when you are chatting with your crush?
Freshly taken pics.
Freshly taken pics.
You know that feeling you get when you have those awesome pics of yourself that you just took and the urge to show them to the world is a tad too robust? That’s what I am talking about.
Status updates
It is very easy to derive one’s mood from their status update.
If they update “Good morning world”, that’s an awesome morning they are having.
But if that update reads something like, “Mind your own business”, that’s one pissed individual.
And if they post lyrics from Adel’s “someone like you”, that’s a butt hurt looser whose sorry self just got binned.
Personally, I use status updates to determine who’s psychologically and emotionally fit to chat with. I don’t need a woman to go all Floyd Mayweather on me just because I sent her that wink emoji on WhatsApp immediately after her guy dropped her ass like its hot!
Personal information.
This is that part where people write what they want the rest of the world to believe they are. Luckily, it is only on social media where Lupitology is applicable. You know making dreams valid? Yes. That.
The information you write about yourself on your social media account(s) creates a mental image of who you are.
For instance, attentions whores will write paragraphs of themselves, making it clear how awesome they are only that their diction portrays an individual whose thirst for attention is only comparable to a sexually starved nympho’s libido! On the other hand, those with personality issues (especially low self-esteem) or even criminals will post very little or nothing at all about themselves.
Posting additional information like physical address could prove to be risky. The internet is full of freaks. Having one trailing you is the last thing you want. Trust me.
Photo uploads.
The best feature social media ever availed to mankind was the ability to share pictures with the world.
But did you know that photos you upload tell a lot about who and you are and what you are as well.
If all you ever upload are half naked pics of you captioned “YOLO” , the world is tricked into thinking you are a slut whose worst enemy is fabric. Simply put, you prefer not complementing that suit the good Lord tailored for you with anything made by man!
Surprisingly, the background of your pics also tells something about you. Take a pic of you in the gutters and watch the world being tricked into thinking you are an urchin whose only possession is a heart to pump tyre-smoke ridden blood. Yes. That’s just how people on the internet are wired. Dirty background=poverty.
Diction and language
Tell me. How do you express yourself on social media? Are you the kind that cannot construct a grammatically correct sentence? Or do you belong to the cursed species that replaces “S” with “X”?
One’s choice of word tells an anecdote about them. As a matter of fact, one only needs to read your posts to know not only how much your parents invested in your education, but also how you interact with others. Normally, people who have problems choosing and constructing words are normally very rude and full of their illiterate selves, but they do not know they are because they are dumb just like that.
Oh! By the way if you still belong to the “xaxa…xema” generation. May the gods of grammar strike your ass with a dozen bouts of lightning!
So, next time you log in to your account, make your observations and prove me right. Proving me wrong is not an option!
Nice article bro …
Thanks man.